4 June 2013
Tuesday
3:00 AM
Sleep hasn't
arrived yet, maybe tonight it is playing coy with me. Feigning an
appearance only to stay just tantalizingly out of reach. No sense
chasing after it, that only imparts a sense of desire that almost
ensures that it will remain further out of reach. Sleep cannot be
captured, only gently merged with, slowly and in a very subtle
manner. If done properly, conscious awareness just slips away, next
thing I know, its morning.
Sometimes I have
to wear my earbud headphones connected to an iPod full of some of my
favorite tunes in order to sleep. Not that I am so particular, but as
a defense against my neighbor's incessant love affair with bad
television played too loudly, all night long. His favorite channel is
one that specializes in old westerns and cowboy movies, many of which
haven't seen air time in decades. There is nothing quite like hearing
through a closed door, tough talking characters that are very
pedestrianly banal as to be downright comical, speaking in harsh
tones at others to achieve a harshness that befits the role, while a
gunfight erupts.
Sometimes it is
interesting to be treated to a good old fashion bout of gunplay while
eating breakfast. The joy of hearing the explosions of 44 calibre
gunfire and the occasional ricochet almost too periodically thrown in
at a predictably regular interval, soon loses its allure. Even as a
muffled background while listening to say, Beethoven's fifth symphony
has ceased to become one of the delightfully quaint aspects of living
in these very different conditions. Its one thing to describe it to
others, its completely different to live it.
Here, incarcerated
on this reservation, it is a nearly every night experience. It is so
unlike what I came from, it is a real culture shock. I continue to
marvel that most of the paid staff deal with many of these strange
behaviors daily and seem not to raise an eyebrow. How do they cope
with this collection of damaged brain induced behaviors is intriguing
to me.
Now, my eyelids
feel like heavy weights have been attached. It is growing
increasingly more difficult to keep them open.
I gotta go.
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