9 April 2014
Wednesday
The nightmare
continues
It is early
morning, breakfast is due any moment now. I'm feeling hungry, not
ravenously so, just noticing that I could stand to eat. I have lost
weight in the last few months, the food here is not anywhere near
what would be called homestyle cooking. Over time the crummy food and
its lack have made it easy to not over eat. Since my life is so
sedentary these days my metabolism is the largest consumer of
calories. At first there was a little bit of emptiness and hunger
after a meal, but after just a few weeks that soon left. Now it takes
very little to fill me up at any meal.
The content of the
meals has settled into a predictable routine. At first the breakfast
often consisted of fried eggs, often served over easy with a liquid
yolk, just like I am used to eating for a lifetime. That didn't last
for long though. The facility decided that they needed to have a new
service providing the meals. A meeting was called and the residents
were informed that some things would be different from
now on. One of the differences was to be no more over easy fried
eggs, no loose yolks. Why? We were told that it was a State law, you
could get an e. coli infection from eating
improperly cooked eggs. Gee, I always thought that over easy was the
proper way to cook an egg, anything else demonstrated failure to be
attentive to the act of cooking that egg.
According to the
State, that would be wrong. They were very interested in making sure
the citizens were not going to be made ill from chicken feces on the
egg shell. Short of investing great sums of money training Gallus
gallus not to defecate on their recently produced ovum, the State
must have assumed that B.F. Skinner to the contrary, avians cannot be
reinforced to be potty trained. Knowing this the egg producing
industry has developed brooding boxes that, using gravity, guide the
egg away from the female fowl. Then the egg is mechanically scrubbed
with soap and water with a a sanitizer. This must work, I have never
seen an egg from the grocery store with a little decorative ca-ca
gracing the outside container.
The kitchen's
method of dealing with this avian egg fouling tendency is to begin
the over easy egg cooking process as usual, then to stick a utensil
into the yolk and allow it to flow onto the cooking surface to heat
the medium to the e. coli killing temperature deemed sufficient. It
seems that the kitchen tries to make sure they are doing their job
beyond any shadow of doubt by letting the entire egg cook too long
thus becoming hard and rubbery. Basically inedible, over time the
kitchen has finally figured out that I have not been eating the eggs
they have been sending up. Then suddenly the breakfast egg choice
made for me was scrambled eggs. Not real eggs all beat up and
scrambled, then cooked, but Eggbeaters a commercial product made of
egg whites and food grade dye made to imitate eggs scrambled. If you
don't eat them, they do look like scrambled eggs, the color is right,
the eggs fluffy, but looks alone don't make suitable eggs. The heft
is not there, the eggs are light in the spoon as they are lifted from
the plate, the eggs don't hold together well. When a fork is used to
separate a portion of eggs from the rest in order to lift it to the
mouth, they crumble leaving tiny bits that don't utilize a fork very
well. It is easier to contain a lot of egg bits in the bowl of a
spoon than far fewer on a fork. Then there is the mouth feel, eating
Eggbeaters is very fluffy. Cotton candy, made with the empty calories
of spun sugar, has more heft in the mouth than whipped egg whites, in
the mouth the cleveryellow dye has no effect whatsoever.
So, awaiting
breakfast, I know from experience of the repeating menu style what to
expect. Tuesdays the only thing I like to eat are the psuedo
scrambled eggs. This being Wednesday the eggs will be augmented with
a slice of American cheese artfully draped over the top of the egg
mass and melted. The cheese does a little more to hold the egg fluff
together, from the topside, nut near as well as if it were broken up,
mixed in with Eggbeaters and then cooked. But that never happens, too
much forethought, or too much work, it doesn't matter, its just
somebody's breakfast. It is this energetic element, that tags along,
invisibly and without any recognition that such a thing can exist
that gives the meal its extra characteristic. A sort of negative
spice that detracts from the food that is provided.
I am reminded of
when I was married. The wife was not very kitchen oriented. She
looked at the kitchen in the way a house magazine would, from a
photographic point of view, if it looks nice or clean. To me the
kitchen was a workshop, a playground, a place to regularly create
edibles. From meals of many courses to snacks, ice creams and deserts
to the baked products that I had to make myself as gluten free had
not entered the public mind yet. The wife specialized in a socially
accepted form of self isolation and emotional distancing – she
slept on the couch a lot. Not at night, she had no trouble sleeping
in bed at night, and she was not ill in any way. She just preferred
to not engage, and napping on the couch was her preferred method of
stealth avoidance. It was socially acceptable, easily effected, and
readily available. There is a couch everywhere. It also had built in
socially acceptable niceties, unlike leaving the public areas to
sleep in the bedroom with the door closed, which screams of physical
isolation, and possibly snubbing those remaining behind. Couch
slumbering gave her an emotional exit without expecting her to just
get up and retreat to another room. In the afternoon, about five or
six she would make a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for herself
then eat the entire box, leave the sauce pan in the sink and fall
asleep on the couch with the television running. I used to teasingly
say that she was roasting her feet by the glow of the television,
specifically CBS. A few minutes later I would announce that I was
going to fix some dinner, did she want anything? “No”, would come
the reply, “I just had some macaroni” from the other room. I
would whip up some fried rice or stir fry, some other fast oriental
dish, or a baked chicken, or some hamburger stroganoff with fried
mushrooms – something different every night. I knew from
experience, even if she said she didn't want anything before I
cooked, she always “decided” that she would like a little, if
there was any left over. I always made a portion and a half, knowing
that she would want more than a taste but less than a full share. You
see, I know how to cook, without even using recipes as a guide.
Although they do serve their own pupose.
Breakfast here
always means eggs. Once they were prepared over easy. Then the State
knew better, the eggs were prepared overcooked with the yolk broken
until the whole thing was rubbery. I just ignored those, so now the
egg choice is pseudo eggs that look like scrambled eggs, but fall
apart getting shoved onto a spoon, and have no heft or mouthfeel of
real eggs in the mouth. The kitchen never changes it up, with hash
browns or hamburger for breakfast. Once in a while they serve a
gluten free waffle. But it always has an imitation maple syrup cup to
accompany it. Not only is life here monotonous. Just to make sure we
get the intent, the breakfasts are too.
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